Why can’t I have a normal conversation with my teenager

Very often – teenage parents who consult with me are upset about the way their conversations with their teenagers go.

They find that every time they begin to speak to their teenager – they end up having a fight.

They just cannot understand why whatever they say seems to upset their teenagers. And they want to know what they can do to have a normal conversation at home.

Teenagers are always in a volatile emotional state and so of course it is not easy to talk to teens. It is in fact very difficult to talk to teens if as a parent you are also in an emotionally volatile state. That means you will definitely find it very difficult to talk to your teen if you are angry, anxious or upset.

It is important to remember to keep certain things in mind while talking to teenagers.

The first thing to remember is to stay away from starting any conversation with your teen when you are angry. Never start talking to your teenager when you are angry

The second thing that must be kept in mind is – that a conversation must be  never be started with an accusation. Never start talking with a sentence like “You did so and so”. That is definitely not going to work

Third – remember not to compare. Do not start with telling your teen all the things he is not and all the things he needs to be.

Make sure you start a conversation with your teen at a time when you are not angry but don’t use the closeness of the moment to extract information from him or tell him how bad his friends are

Always speak without agenda and remember to be honest and patient

It takes time to get the conversation right with your teen. Don’t be disappointed, discouraged or disheartened if you are not succeeding right now.

Keep trying and you will get there.

Proma Nautiyal wrote an article on handling teens that I really liked. Read it here