Do you compare your child with others? I am sure you don’t mean to – but you may still be doing it.
“Look at your brother – why can’t you be like him?”
“Look at your friend – he is writing so well – why don’t you write like him?”
Many of us talk to our children like this.
Our intentions when we make these comparisons are good. We think that by showing our children an example of what is better – we will be able to motivate them to excel.
But that does not happen.
Comparisons don’t motivate children – they demoralize them and slow their learning process.
Comparisons lower your child’s self-esteem
When we compare our children to others – we lower their self-esteem. We convey to them that they are not good enough.
Comparisons cause insecurity
When we compare our children to others they become insecure because they feel that have to compete for our love and admiration. They begin to feel that they are not worthy of our love unless they do what the child they are being compared to does.
Comparisons make children feel unloved
Comparisons make children feel unloved. And a child who feels unloved focuses only on winning over your love. He is then unable to focus on learning. This slows down his learning process and he becomes a slow learner.
The magic of unconditional love
A child who knows that he is loved unconditionally feels secure and has a high self-esteem. When he attempts something difficult he thinks – “I am capable” “Let me try” “I am sure to succeed”
On the other hand – a child whose self-esteem has been lowered by constant comparisons with other children thinks – “I don’t think I can” “I am not even good enough for my parents to love me” “If I fail they will love me even less” “Why should I even try”
A child who is loved unconditionally will never fear failure
When children are compared to others – they become slow learners because they focus on winning over their parents love rather than on learning.
When children are compared to other children they become slow learners because they are afraid of attempting anything because they feel their parents will love them even less if they fail.
“Don’t compare your child with others!” – is not a preachy piece of advice that you can afford to ignore.
What you say can damage your child for life. If you want your child to succeed. Stay away from comparisons.